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About stars: it is useful to remember that stars generate light and heat, that their light reaches US some time long after their passion has burned itself and they have gone dark, and that it is our distance from them that permits us to wish upon them.―H.J.
What is it that you don't like about yourself?
That I'm unable. . . to. . . commit myself to anyone. I always have to escape, get away. Then that makes me unhappy because it's something I need and yet continue to reject.
You mean relationships, friends, parents?
All relationships. Whenever there's emotion involved.
They say that is a phenomenon of the actress.
Oh, yeah? Who says that?
People in general. They say actresses have difficulty committing themselves to one person, because they have so many different persomalities. Then it becomes hard for them to accept the idea of having to consistently act one way or another towards one person. It's also the crazy lifestyle. How much does that affect things with you?
I say things to people that I mean when I say them, then I forget that I ever said anything at all. That doesn't mean that I was dishonest at the moment. But you can't be so irresponsible. It's terrible; it just makes me feel hollow, thin and shitty, like I never should have said anything in the first place. Yet I can't stop myself from saving it because, well, I guess that's the egotistical thing―needing to say something nice to feel nice, needing to suggest something nice to feel full.
Does it come from a need to feel loved. To love?
I always think that I want to really love. But then I find I can only feel love for my mother. Anyone else just seems to get in my way. That's probably not very healthy.
Do you think you have that actors' disease, that tremendous need to charm, to make everyonefeel comfortable, to be consistently loved ?
(Brigitte, her mother): 'The danger is that she can change from second to second. People think that when she's sweet and going about like a cat that that is for always. Then they're disappointed. They should accept her feelings from second to second, if they love her. For most parents, love means letting their child do what's good for thern. For me, love means letting her do whatever is within her. Maybe it's dangerous to let her act out her happiness, her fullness, her anger, but when I look at her face and know that she's happy because of the wav she is, I cannot say no. I might be at home dying from worry: "Has she had an accident? Is she o.k." ' No, if she's happy, she'll do what she wants. Sometimes it's hard for parents, speaking from our own experience....
Do you tend to project personalities onto people so that you’ll like them better?
(Nastassia): You bet. It's not fair to them, and it's not good for me. The worst thing is that I become like the man I'm involved with. I talk like him and everything. It's very strange; I just let him invade me, in a way. I need to idealize my director.
Aren't you scared by the way people tend to fall in love with you~the way they become obsessed by you? Sometimes I wonder how much of it is really you and how much is this. . . this . . . thing you portray onscreen.
(Brigitte). The thing that is most attractive about her is that no one can really "get" her. There's always a little barrier. This makes men crazy.
(Nastassia): Don't forget that there were nvo or three cases where I was totally involved―when the man could "get" me―and they dumped me. But I don't play some game to "get" or not "get." It's just the way I am. I like men to just go out, to have fun. Then things develop in their heads that I can't control. It's hard....
That must scare you because you can't afford to become friends with someone without risking their obsession with you.
Yes, I suppose. But then, a much worse problem is the kind of person who is so full of him/herself that he/she feels worthy of such an obsession. After all, it's not really you they're in love with. Sometimes, I see people who think they're so interesting, so funny, so wonderful. If they only knew that they're not! That's the only wav to become interesting: to realize just how uninteresting you really are. . . we all are! There's more―to learn, more to do. None of us has even begun to know anything.
My mother always told me that when things go wrong―for instance, if I've been a coward about a relationship―the only thing to do is admit it. Admit that you're wrong! Otherwise you're just wasting your time and everyone else's.
In order to have something, to be successful atsomething, you must riskfailure. If someone idealizes you, you tend to lose respectfor that person and shy away.
Yes. Because You can't understand why they would think that way of you. You think, "God, if that person thinks I'm so great, imagine what he must be."
Well, it's not because you're pretty or even because you're a good actress.
I know. There are so many people who are prettier than me, better actresses than me. I guess it's just because ...it's me. But frankly, I just don't understand it at all. I guess that's what's nice about love. It's unexplainable.
